It Does Take a Village

“When I am talking about ‘It Takes a Village,’ I’m obviously not talking just about or even primarily about geographical villages any longer, but about the network of relationships and values that do connect us and binds us together.”
~ Hillary Clinton

Especially in today’s crazy world, children need all of us – parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbors, teachers, etc. to guide them and help them to reach adulthood in one piece. They need to be taught not only manners and right from wrong, but to think outside the box, and to love and honor themselves and all of life’s beings. We need to teach them to put down their phones, and be one with nature. To walk gently upon the earth with love and kindness toward one another, and to be strong, but also bend in the wind like the trees.

“If every eight year old in the world is taught meditation, we will eliminate violence from the world within one generation.”
~ Dalai Lama

As adults we need to make time to listen to what children have to say. We need to reassure them that without judgment, they can always talk to us. In our busy lives we sometimes forget to listen. But also, as they become teens they like to push us away. Don’t let them no matter how hard it gets, because once they succeed, you’ve lost them forever.

“Listening is often the only thing needed to help someone.”
~ Author Unknown

Maybe, just maybe, we can make a difference with the present and future generations. But, we have to act now before it’s too late.

Balanced Tolerance

Sisters and their dog trying to be tolerant

“Inner compassion and outer tolerance can easily make a new world, a better world.”  ~ Sri Chinmoy

We all should try and be more tolerant of one another. Not every disagreement is a 911 for ending relationships. We all have different beliefs, opinions and quirks that can make relationships difficult sometimes, but not impossible. Family members, neighbors, co-workers and good friends can really annoy us, but it’s usually just temporary and will pass.

Being tolerant doesn’t mean we should put up with nonsense. Sometimes being tolerant just won’t float the boat, and this is where balance enters the scene. We can’t be tolerant of a bully or someone who’s evil and out to hurt us. And this goes for political figures out to destroy not only us, but our beautiful planet Earth.

“Tolerance becomes a crime when applied to evil.”
~ Thomas Mann

But in our everyday life where tolerance is called upon to stand tall against little irritations from the humans surrounding us, we can balance our emotions and live in peace and harmony. After all, isn’t our differences the spice of life, and makes us all so interesting?

“Listen with ears of tolerance. See through the eyes of compassion. Speak with the language of love.” ~ Rumi

The Gift of Devaluation

“Re-examine all you have been told. Dismiss what insults your soul.”~Walt Whitman

As we travel on this journey we will encounter situations where we feel devalued by other humans. When this happens it’s so important to remember that we all have value, and not to believe or accept the poison being sent out.

This devaluation can come from many forms. It often begins when we start school as little guys and someone doesn’t want to be our friend and puts us down, or the cool group of kids snubs us. Being let go from a job where our services are no longer needed, or a position is erased and so are we. Friendships ending, romantic breakups as well as marriages ending all take their toll. There is a devaluation that isn’t discussed much and that is adult children feeling their parents have lost their value and have become clutter in their lives. Perhaps this is a result of parents living longer.

When other humans send you a message that you don’t count it’s depressing and you have to work your way through the dark clouds. This is done best by acknowledging how you feel and then really allowing yourself to feel the pain. I think the greatest growth comes from pain. Give yourself time and you will see the clouds lifting away and the sun will pour in, and you won’t need their acceptance anymore.

I think being devalued is actually a gift. It’s a chance to recapture the person you were before you became someone’s parent, were married to that awful person, or worked for the horrible boss and stressful job. You’ve been given a chance to really live again. Sure you‘re older, but don’t forget, wiser too.

Take a deep breath and go within. You are beautiful and you are so worthy of a happy life surrounded by other humans who appreciate and love you. Ask yourself what is it that you want to do with the rest of your life. Before you felt devalued, picture the person you used to be—but now a better version. Concentrate on yourself and fulfill your dreams the best that you can. This is your life. Control it; enjoy it.

“It is not the end of the physical body that should worry us. Rather, our concern must be to live while we’re alive—to release our inner selves from the spiritual death that comes with living behind a façade designed to conform to external definitions of who and what we are.” ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

When Egos Meet

“Half of life is lost in charming others. The other half is lost in going through anxieties caused by others. Leave this play. You have played enough!” ~Rumi

It’s never a party when egos meet. In fact, it can be a pretty bad sight indeed. You see, the ego is always ready for a fight, letting us think it’s simply protecting us when in fact, it’s actually bullying us. Sounds weird I know. But not so when you realize that the ego is that critical thinking part of us that’s always watching, conniving, deciding who did what to us, what we should do to them, who we are, who they are, etc.

We all have different egos. Some make us think we’re better than others, and some make us think we are less. And usually we have a combination to fit different needs as they arise. The main thing is that we are not our egos. We are the higher self inside of us: Our Spirit. But why is the Spirit so quiet and seems to do nothing to stop our crazy egos’ chatter, and ruining our relationships? Because the Spirit believes in our free will where as the ego believes in harassing us into submission.

Now, when egos meet, each has an agenda that is self serving and certainly not thinking of the greater good. You can see why problems don’t get solved and we have so much trouble living in harmony with one another.

So what do we do? I really don’t think we can get rid of our egos even though some have said that they have. The best I have found is to tame it. Our quiet Spirit will come alive if asked. Once you work with your Spirit and listen closely to what it has to say, you will be free to live the life you were born to live. But remember, you have free will; you have to ask for the help you need.

Listening to the ego and engaging with other egos will cause you to waste your life, and take you very far away from the path you should be following. This is your one and only life; don’t waste it on your ego, or fall victim to other egos.

“Once you can tame your ego mind, you are able to see clearly the path you were born to follow.” ~Roxana Jones

Meet People Where They’re At

Don’t push your agenda on anyone, or try and change how someone feels. Just listen and be there for the humans in your life. And certainly never have any expectations of how things should be.

Take the time in your busy life to sit down and pay attention without judgment to what a person has to say. You will be surprised how much better your relationships will be if you meet people where they’re at, and always have compassion.

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
~ Lao Tzu

Apologize

“Apologizing does not always mean that you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.” ~ Author unknown

Saying “I’m sorry,” is so hard to do when we don’t feel we did anything wrong. When we say those words we feel like we’re admitting and taking ownership to hurting someone, or doing something wrong. If that wasn’t our intent, or we don’t believe it’s true then why should we apologize?

I think telling someone you’re sorry even though you had no idea you hurt them is something you do as a kindness and just being a good human. You do it for them; not for you. After all, I don’t think very many of us have a problem when shopping at the grocery store saying I’m sorry when we bump into someone’s basket by mistake, or cut them off. It doesn’t seem to bother us to say it because it’s a courtesy that just flows out of our mouths. So why isn’t it a courtesy when someone lets us know that we upset them?

Every day we deal with other humans and we say things that people take the wrong way and we even hurt feelings. We make decisions at the time that seem right but sometimes end up wrong. Our mouths say things before our brains have a chance to digest words and actions. It’s all part of the human condition, but so is being considerate of our fellow humans.

When you apologize to someone in the case of not intentionally trying to cause them emotional pain, you are not admitting guilt. You are being a human connecting to another human and sending love. When you do apologize make sure it comes from the heart. Really feel that empathy for another being.

Maybe if more of us could be selfless and learn to connect the world would be a happier place.

“Apologies are the art of spiritual housekeeping. They help to put and keep our lives in order.” ~ Julia Cameron

Baggage

Dealing with baggage can be a real pain. We stuff things in that we don’t know if we’ll really need, and it tends to get heavy. We carry it and drag it all over the place, and we wonder why we packed what we packed. Now that’s real physical baggage. What about emotional baggage? We can sure pack a lot of emotional baggage during our journey, and it’s not just us doing the packing. Like physical bags, emotional baggage can get very difficult to handle.

We start out with our parents packing all kinds of things into a bag for us. Now, our parents don’t mean us any harm. I’m speaking of course about most parents. I realize there are exceptions. Parents in fact usually want the best for us. But they only know what they know and are doing the best they can. That being said, guilt and all kinds of rules of who and what we should be and believe in get stuffed in there. This can cause a lot of confusion in our minds where we sometimes come up short of their expectations and maybe our own. Other family members can also add to our load.

As we travel along this journey we experience many negative situations in the form of friends, lovers, co-workers, and complete strangers. All of these people and the experiences they bring get stuffed in our bags causing us to become overwhelmed. The baggage just becomes too much for us to cart around and we can become sick. We don’t know what to do and start to feel that we are stuck with this baggage forever.

Have you ever thought about just letting go of the baggage? Walking away from it, or imagining pushing it off a cliff? You can do all of these things. Just because a bag was packed for you and grew along the way, doesn’t mean you have to keep it anymore. You just have to let go. It’s that simple. By letting go you stop being a prisoner of your mind. If you let go of all your baggage you start living in the present and you let the past be just that.

I know you can do it. You can be happy and free. You might not realize it, but you and only you have the power to make any change you want to in your life. Once you realize this you can start to really live the life you were meant to live. Come on, use your power and live a full life, and get rid of the baggage that is holding you back.

“At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.” ~ Lao Tzu

All You Need is Love

Are you all stressed out?

Just like the Beatles song all any of us really needs is love. The holidays can be a crazy time of the year filled with emotion and consumerism that can drive us all a bit wacky. While I was out shopping the other day I met two women that were talking about how rude people are this time of year. One woman made the mistake at the post office of saying Merry Christmas to the clerk who was in a bad mood and the clerk almost took her head off saying, “It’s Happy Holidays!” The second woman was a checker at the grocery store who looked stressed. I asked how her day was going and she shrugged and said that people come through her line and are busy on their phones texting and don’t even acknowledge her. And there are days when people are so nasty that she leaves her shift having to be alone and de-stress. Is this what we’ve come to?

Take a deep breath and surrender all the stress. Give some time to yourself. Maybe practice yoga and meditation. Instead of taking out your stress on others, learn to connect to people and things around you. When I surrender, good things come my way.

We are all so closed up in our safe cozy houses living in little bubbles. But think if the doors to these houses were blown away, or our houses burned down, there we would be with our neighbors we hardly know standing in a vast of nothingness. We would have to put our differences aside and connect to one another to survive. Sadly, many people this year have lost their homes and loved ones through these kinds of tragedies, and hopefully found love coming from complete strangers and caring neighbors they didn’t even know they had.

It shouldn’t take a catastrophe event to bring humans together. In the digital world we all live in we have to work harder to develop and keep real human connection alive. It doesn’t seem that long ago that our connection to one another is what made us human in the first place.

There are all kinds of love. The love for your children and grandchildren, your spouse, parents, close friends, etc. And there’s the care and affection for the people you work with, a distant friend, the neighbor you share your garden goodies with, and maybe even the checker at the grocery store. Connect with these people and you’ll find that connection will turn into love. When love is present there can’t be anger, hate, or even fear.

“Fear knocked on the door. Love answered, and no one was there.” ~ Author Unknown

All the silly disagreements and getting mad that we sometimes do is just a waste of time. And time is something that is running out for all of us. Simply just loving and accepting one another can conquer so much and make living a joy.

Point of Saturation

“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” ~ Author Unknown

When you’ve been putting up with a difficult person or persons in your life for a long time there will come a day when you will feel that enough is enough, and that will be the day you will have reached your point of saturation. We all have our limits on how much and for how long we can put up with grueling relationships, but once you reach your end there is no turning back.

Sometimes when you reach this point, it’s burnout from the people you work with, a demanding relative, or your mate. It doesn’t matter who has caused it, but what matters is what you are going to do about it, because staying in any kind of bad relationship is detrimental to your health.

Don’t feel bad if you’ve reached saturation. It’s simply a sign that change is overdue in your life. There are steps you can take to mend and hopefully save the relationship. Communication is always best, but sometimes people are hard to communicate with. This can be especially true if they are a relative, or a lover. You would think it would be easier, but the closer the person is to you, sometimes the harder it is to talk to them.

You could give counseling or mediation a try, but if that doesn’t help, or you don’t even want to try, then it’s time to walk away. Your life is not supposed to be about making yourself miserable so others can be happy. You deserve to live a happy and balanced life, and that doesn’t include letting other people step all over you—no matter who they are in your life.

Be brave enough to love and protect yourself from those that only want to control and hurt you.

 

 

Take a Pause

 

Take a pause, and then ask yourself: Is my anger in this relationship worth a nuclear bomb?

 

Once you blow up a relationship it’s impossible to ever put the pieces back together again. I know from experience that even if you can find the pieces they never go back quite the same, and that’s because trust is missing from the pile.

Always take that pause. There’s no hurry you know. Time is on your side, and tomorrow? Well, it’s a new day.

“You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.” ~ Buddha