“Re-examine all you have been told. Dismiss what insults your soul.”~Walt Whitman
As we travel on this journey we will encounter situations where we feel devalued by other humans. When this happens it’s so important to remember that we all have value, and not to believe or accept the poison being sent out.
This devaluation can come from many forms. It often begins when we start school as little guys and someone doesn’t want to be our friend and puts us down, or the cool group of kids snubs us. Being let go from a job where our services are no longer needed, or a position is erased and so are we. Friendships ending, romantic breakups as well as marriages ending all take their toll. There is a devaluation that isn’t discussed much and that is adult children feeling their parents have lost their value and have become clutter in their lives. Perhaps this is a result of parents living longer.
When other humans send you a message that you don’t count it’s depressing and you have to work your way through the dark clouds. This is done best by acknowledging how you feel and then really allowing yourself to feel the pain. I think the greatest growth comes from pain. Give yourself time and you will see the clouds lifting away and the sun will pour in, and you won’t need their acceptance anymore.
I think being devalued is actually a gift. It’s a chance to recapture the person you were before you became someone’s parent, were married to that awful person, or worked for the horrible boss and stressful job. You’ve been given a chance to really live again. Sure you‘re older, but don’t forget, wiser too.
Take a deep breath and go within. You are beautiful and you are so worthy of a happy life surrounded by other humans who appreciate and love you. Ask yourself what is it that you want to do with the rest of your life. Before you felt devalued, picture the person you used to be—but now a better version. Concentrate on yourself and fulfill your dreams the best that you can. This is your life. Control it; enjoy it.
“It is not the end of the physical body that should worry us. Rather, our concern must be to live while we’re alive—to release our inner selves from the spiritual death that comes with living behind a façade designed to conform to external definitions of who and what we are.” ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Our lives are very busy—especially if we are working, raising children, and caring for our own parents. We get centered on things that we feel are important like education, making money, getting ahead in our jobs, simply surviving. And sometimes we forget to tell the ones we love that we “Love Them.” Maybe it’s that we don’t think we need to remind them. After all, we told them that a long time ago, didn’t we? They should just know.
But do they know? Maybe not. We can’t just assume. If we are so caught up in making it through each and everyday we just might miss the human component of our lives. It’s that part of our lives where even if the person we love is at times driving us crazy, or we are just feeling tired, worried, fed-up and even mad, we are still able to show how much we love them.
With our aging parents we can become exhausted from all the running around of errands we do for them, and tired of hearing the same old stories over and over again, but they still need to hear that we love them. And all the wild things our kids do that upset us, they too need to hear those tender important words of love. It’s not only when our kids are young that they need to hear it, but also when they are adults and struggling with their own grownup lives.
Sometimes we can just get too centered on what we feel is important and probably is, but we must not forget about the human side that speaks of only love. That human side is what your kids will remember about you and treasure, and it’s what will make your parents feel warm and safe in your care. Without that reminder of love, life can be bitter cold.
“The only constant thing in life is change.” ~ Francois De La Rochefoucauld
Change can be hard especially if it’s not a welcome change. But change is part of life and therefore part of your journey. Nothing stays the same forever no matter how hard you try to hold on to it. When you learn to accept that, then life becomes more secure and peaceful. Fighting change never works, it just makes it more painful.
Change for children can be extremely hard, but we as nurturers can lessen the burden by loving them and opening up the door of communication so they can express their fears, sadness and anger. In doing this, you as a parent can become closer to your child as the child realizes that change is hard for you too, and that together, you will both get through it.
I know from working with children in bereavement that they have a great desire to express themselves and want to be heard, but sometimes they find that hard to do because the pain of loss is too great. In helping them deal with the loss, it is also important to help them handle the changes in their life. Children need to know that their life will go on even though it has changed and that the sadness and loss they feel today will ease with time.
Through the changes in life, learn to flow through all of it. Sometimes it’s hard when the sea is very rough and you are not sure what direction to take. In those times, just close your eyes and draw from the strength of your Spirit and it will guide you safely into the harbor.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them — that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. ~ Lao Tzu