The Gift of Devaluation

“Re-examine all you have been told. Dismiss what insults your soul.”~Walt Whitman

As we travel on this journey we will encounter situations where we feel devalued by other humans. When this happens it’s so important to remember that we all have value, and not to believe or accept the poison being sent out.

This devaluation can come from many forms. It often begins when we start school as little guys and someone doesn’t want to be our friend and puts us down, or the cool group of kids snubs us. Being let go from a job where our services are no longer needed, or a position is erased and so are we. Friendships ending, romantic breakups as well as marriages ending all take their toll. There is a devaluation that isn’t discussed much and that is adult children feeling their parents have lost their value and have become clutter in their lives. Perhaps this is a result of parents living longer.

When other humans send you a message that you don’t count it’s depressing and you have to work your way through the dark clouds. This is done best by acknowledging how you feel and then really allowing yourself to feel the pain. I think the greatest growth comes from pain. Give yourself time and you will see the clouds lifting away and the sun will pour in, and you won’t need their acceptance anymore.

I think being devalued is actually a gift. It’s a chance to recapture the person you were before you became someone’s parent, were married to that awful person, or worked for the horrible boss and stressful job. You’ve been given a chance to really live again. Sure you‘re older, but don’t forget, wiser too.

Take a deep breath and go within. You are beautiful and you are so worthy of a happy life surrounded by other humans who appreciate and love you. Ask yourself what is it that you want to do with the rest of your life. Before you felt devalued, picture the person you used to be—but now a better version. Concentrate on yourself and fulfill your dreams the best that you can. This is your life. Control it; enjoy it.

“It is not the end of the physical body that should worry us. Rather, our concern must be to live while we’re alive—to release our inner selves from the spiritual death that comes with living behind a façade designed to conform to external definitions of who and what we are.” ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Memories of Those Gone By

“Those we love can never be more than a thought away … for as long as there’s a memory they live in our hearts to stay.”

Author Unknown

It’s very painful when we experience the death of a loved one, and the grieving process is different for everyone. One thing to remember is that there is no time limit in grieving. Those that might say, “It’s time to put this behind you,” or, “It’s been a year now and you should be over it…” etc. SHAME ON THEM! There is NO time limit.

When a loved one dies we go through stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and everything in-between. Every stage is different for each of us, and at some point memories of this person will fill your mind. Remember, memories don’t have to be sad or even make you mad. They can be funny, happy memories that make you laugh and fill you with joy.

My co-worker and I told the children going through the bereavement program that it was okay to laugh, and have funny memories. They looked surprised. But as they talked about their loved ones and told little stories—some sweet and some funny, they seemed to relax and accept that memories can be funny and laughter is always good for the soul.

I love remembering the happy and mostly funny memories of those I have lost. I find it comforting. Sure there were plenty of bad and some very sad times, but I only care to remember the good ones. Sometimes I’m surprised about how many hilarious memories I have. Makes me wonder why I ever thought things were so bad.

Nothing lasts forever and that includes the pain you may be in right now. As long as you can remember, then the memories of your loved ones will never fade. They will bring you comfort on a cold night. They will fill your heart with joy and treasured thoughts, and they will make you laugh as well as cry because of the richness they give your life.

Embrace Your Tears

 

“Don’t ever discount the wonder of your tears. They can be healing waters and a stream of joy. Sometimes they are the best words the heart can speak.”  ~ Wm. Paul Young

We can get embarrassed when we tear up in public, but maybe we shouldn’t. Tears are the way of clearing our bodies of emotion and the stress we carry around. It’s a beautiful way of cleansing and setting our bodies back into balance.

Some people think it’s a sign of weakness, but it’s really a sign of being human and caring. There are tears of joy and tears of pain, but whatever the tears don’t hold them back, let them flow.

It’s true that there are times when you can’t just break down and sob, but you can tear a little bit and maybe sob later. When I’m working with a child in bereavement and he or she starts to cry, it breaks my heart and the tears start to fill my eyes. I can’t just lose it; I have to be there for the child. So I stay in command of my tears by concentrating on helping the child and only letting a few come into my eyes. I also have to get over my embarrassment, but we tell the kids that tears are always okay and maybe seeing tears in my eyes makes that really so.

Feeling joy or pain is part of our journey and so are the tears that accompany all of that. Don’t be afraid; feel what you feel and let yourself connect to the moment and to life itself. We are all just human, so let’s be that. Be a beautiful feeling human.

Fragments

No matter how old we are negative fragments from our childhood seem to travel along with us. Most of the time we pay them no mind, or don’t even realize they are hitching a ride with us. Then one day something happens in our lives and a chain reaction takes place and those little fragments come alive and blow up in our face. And it will happen again and again until we decide to eradicate the little monsters and set ourselves free.

“Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.” 

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”

~ Buddha

Make today the day that the past ends and the present begins. show compassion to yourself and suffer no more. Facing those who have hurt you rarely works because egos get in the way and conversation becomes a ping-pong ball match where there are no winners.

In the end, the only true way to do way with past fragments is to open a door in your mind and let them out. And leave they will, when the decision to live only “Now” is finally made. Once all the fragments are out, the next thing to do …  learn to Forget.

“If you live in the past you get what the past gives you–bad experiences.”  ~ Cesar Millan

Give Flight to Hurt

Sometimes the pain of hurt is more than you can bear.

It lies within your very soul ripping it to shreds.

The only way to lessen its hold is to accept its presence and then, let it go.

Visualize:

Put this hurt on the back of a majestic mystical bird.

Majestic one, just take flight.

Fly far, far, away across the open sea.

And then drop that hurt into the deep violent waters of this massive sea.

Hurt will sink deeper and deeper, finding its way to the darkest parts of the ocean abyss.

And there it will remain forever more.

Give flight to all your hurts and then take a deep breath of relief.
Now, it is time to live your life once again.

Sweet Memories Vs. Past Demons

“All you really need to remember is that NOW is where the past ends and the future begins.” ~ Robert Holden

Enjoy your sweet memories of days gone by–there is nothing wrong with thinking about and reliving the good past memories we all have. Trouble only begins when we live only in the past and forget about living and enjoying the present. Trouble also happens when we let the past invade the now of our lives and deposit little demons that keep us from being truly happy.

I used to tell my mother if she absolutely had to revisit something in her past to make a very short visit and get out quickly! It didn’t always work very well because she would get herself stuck there and the demons would rain down on her. She would try to chase them away with wine, tranquilizers, and the occasional highball, but none proved very effective. I even tried getting her to visualize lighting a match to the past, but she would just say, “I can’t.”

“Nothing ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being present now.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Treasure and let yourself flow along with those sweet beautiful memories of your life experiences, but never allow the painful demons of your past to interfere with the life you are leading right now.

Always remember, besides being a good person and giving back, you are supposed to be enjoying your life. Submerge yourself in the beauty all around and in life itself, and never ever say,

“I can’t” because you know you always CAN!

Hate

“It feels better to love than to hate” ~ Stevie Wonder

It’s interesting how when you say the word “hate” how it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. It’s such a strong in your face kind of word that you can actually feel pain when you say it, or it is said to you.

Hate and anger are best buddies. You can’t have one without the other, and they both seem to populate too often. Everywhere you look some human hates another human. And some of these haters even hate creatures that aren’t human. How can we ever hope to share and live in harmony on this planet if there is so much hatred?

When people hate they have fear inside. They fear what they don’t understand. And when they’re too lazy, or choose to be ignorant and don’t seek knowledge, they hate instead. I always thought as humans became part of the global society they would learn acceptance, but that doesn’t seem to always be true.

What’s happening to love? Is it becoming extinct like the polar bears? Maybe it never actually existed in the first place. Love might be some myth told to us when we were children to keep us feeling safe from a scary world.

Have you ever thought what would happen if everyone stopped all the hatred and started to love instead? Look at all the good we could accomplish on this planet if we put all that positive energy to work. Hate, being negative energy, is just plain wasteful.

Notice when you say the word “LOVE,” how smooth and sweet it sounds. I wish that I heard it more often.

“Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.” ~ Buddha

Always Stay Present

Veering away from the present–the actual NOW of your life can confuse you and bring much sorrow.

“To help you be more present in your life today, stop what you are doing once an hour and ask yourself ‘Where are my feet?’ ” 

~ Robert Holden

It’s good to check once in a while and make sure you are not drifting away, but staying where you need to be.

“Most people treat the present moment as if it were an obstacle that they need to overcome. Since the present moment is life itself, it is an insane way to live.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

It’s so true, sometimes the present moment is not a pleasant place to be, but then again, it’s the only place you can be. Your past is gone and your future hasn’t arrived yet, so baby, you’re stuck with NOW.

“Wisdom is the power of maximizing the enjoyment of the present moment.” ~ Robert Holden

It’s wonderful when we finally realize that we are alive! Let’s embrace it all!

“Sometimes in life we become so focused on the finish line that we fail to enjoy the journey.” ~ Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Don’t ever put off living until you complete this or that because the day you penciled in to live may never come. Enjoy the ride–bumps and all as you travel along this thing called YOUR LIFE.

Death

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.” ~ From a headstone in Ireland

In living our busy crazy lives there is one thing that can bring it to a complete halt and that is the death of a loved one. It is also a time when we begin to think of our own mortality, and how we are living our day-to-day lives.

There is our birth, then our death, but in-between there is this life that we sometimes take for granted. We waste away years struggling for things that may or may not ever come our way. We waste time in worrying, regretting, and hold on to anger and the need to always be right.

In living in-between this birth and death, let’s really promise ourselves to live our lives deeply with passion, purpose and always laughter. This is a great way to honor our loved ones who have died.

Listen closely to the gentle whisper in your ear, “Live well, live strong, and most of all enjoy your life as it rolls along.”