Water will find its way to flow gracefully forward.
We can too.
No fears, or worries, keeping us still.
Emotional and physical pain won’t paralyze us for long.
We are strong.
Kindness, and love, for ourselves and others will help us in
Finding our way.
“The ego says, ‘I shouldn’t have to suffer,’ and that thought makes you suffer so much more. The truth is that you need to say yes to suffering before you can transcend it.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
We humans are fragile but at the same time strong beings. We get into trouble when our egos get hurt. We all want to be loved and accepted and when we’re not we feel not only hurt but sometimes anger.
Hurt can cause us to become selfish as we start to close down to everyone around us. We can become consumed with our own feelings of rejection that we become unable to love or accept love.
Never let yourself be so blinded by your own pain that you can’t see and feel the pain you have caused others.
“Love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you.” ~ Vipin Sharma
The quote by Sharma makes sense when someone you love does something to hurt you. Perhaps they really didn’t mean it, but it still hurts.
Feelings of hurt are just part of our journey and the best thing to do is let yourself feel it then let it go. Don’t ever let hurt stick to you. Use it as another lesson on your journey.
“Feel the feeling and drop the story.” ~ Pema Chodron
“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.”
~ Rabindranath Tagore
Clouds are constantly changing, and so is our life. The secret is knowing how to flow with change. The way to flow is to live in the moments of life, and live in them fully. No second guessing and no looking back at mistakes or what could have been. Our past is full of lessons learned, and some very painful. We also can’t predict the future, because like the clouds, it is always changing shape.
Learn to give to yourself as much as you give to others. Never let yourself become depleted. People will come and go but you will remain until the end. Believe and invest in yourself as you flow as free as the clouds.
“It is better to have your head in the clouds, and know where you are… than to breathe the clearer atmosphere below them, and think that you are in paradise.”
~ Henry David Thoreau
“Re-examine all you have been told. Dismiss what insults your soul.”~Walt Whitman
As we travel on this journey we will encounter situations where we feel devalued by other humans. When this happens it’s so important to remember that we all have value, and not to believe or accept the poison being sent out.
This devaluation can come from many forms. It often begins when we start school as little guys and someone doesn’t want to be our friend and puts us down, or the cool group of kids snubs us. Being let go from a job where our services are no longer needed, or a position is erased and so are we. Friendships ending, romantic breakups as well as marriages ending all take their toll. There is a devaluation that isn’t discussed much and that is adult children feeling their parents have lost their value and have become clutter in their lives. Perhaps this is a result of parents living longer.
When other humans send you a message that you don’t count it’s depressing and you have to work your way through the dark clouds. This is done best by acknowledging how you feel and then really allowing yourself to feel the pain. I think the greatest growth comes from pain. Give yourself time and you will see the clouds lifting away and the sun will pour in, and you won’t need their acceptance anymore.
I think being devalued is actually a gift. It’s a chance to recapture the person you were before you became someone’s parent, were married to that awful person, or worked for the horrible boss and stressful job. You’ve been given a chance to really live again. Sure you‘re older, but don’t forget, wiser too.
Take a deep breath and go within. You are beautiful and you are so worthy of a happy life surrounded by other humans who appreciate and love you. Ask yourself what is it that you want to do with the rest of your life. Before you felt devalued, picture the person you used to be—but now a better version. Concentrate on yourself and fulfill your dreams the best that you can. This is your life. Control it; enjoy it.
“It is not the end of the physical body that should worry us. Rather, our concern must be to live while we’re alive—to release our inner selves from the spiritual death that comes with living behind a façade designed to conform to external definitions of who and what we are.” ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
You can always go home. Whatever troubles and pain took you away you can always come back and smooth them away.
“Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do … but how much love we put in that action.” ~ Mother Teresa
“Those we love can never be more than a thought away … for as long as there’s a memory they live in our hearts to stay.”
Author Unknown
It’s very painful when we experience the death of a loved one, and the grieving process is different for everyone. One thing to remember is that there is no time limit in grieving. Those that might say, “It’s time to put this behind you,” or, “It’s been a year now and you should be over it…” etc. SHAME ON THEM! There is NO time limit.
When a loved one dies we go through stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and everything in-between. Every stage is different for each of us, and at some point memories of this person will fill your mind. Remember, memories don’t have to be sad or even make you mad. They can be funny, happy memories that make you laugh and fill you with joy.
My co-worker and I told the children going through the bereavement program that it was okay to laugh, and have funny memories. They looked surprised. But as they talked about their loved ones and told little stories—some sweet and some funny, they seemed to relax and accept that memories can be funny and laughter is always good for the soul.
I love remembering the happy and mostly funny memories of those I have lost. I find it comforting. Sure there were plenty of bad and some very sad times, but I only care to remember the good ones. Sometimes I’m surprised about how many hilarious memories I have. Makes me wonder why I ever thought things were so bad.
Nothing lasts forever and that includes the pain you may be in right now. As long as you can remember, then the memories of your loved ones will never fade. They will bring you comfort on a cold night. They will fill your heart with joy and treasured thoughts, and they will make you laugh as well as cry because of the richness they give your life.
“Don’t ever discount the wonder of your tears. They can be healing waters and a stream of joy. Sometimes they are the best words the heart can speak.” ~ Wm. Paul Young
We can get embarrassed when we tear up in public, but maybe we shouldn’t. Tears are the way of clearing our bodies of emotion and the stress we carry around. It’s a beautiful way of cleansing and setting our bodies back into balance.
Some people think it’s a sign of weakness, but it’s really a sign of being human and caring. There are tears of joy and tears of pain, but whatever the tears don’t hold them back, let them flow.
It’s true that there are times when you can’t just break down and sob, but you can tear a little bit and maybe sob later. When I’m working with a child in bereavement and he or she starts to cry, it breaks my heart and the tears start to fill my eyes. I can’t just lose it; I have to be there for the child. So I stay in command of my tears by concentrating on helping the child and only letting a few come into my eyes. I also have to get over my embarrassment, but we tell the kids that tears are always okay and maybe seeing tears in my eyes makes that really so.
Feeling joy or pain is part of our journey and so are the tears that accompany all of that. Don’t be afraid; feel what you feel and let yourself connect to the moment and to life itself. We are all just human, so let’s be that. Be a beautiful feeling human.
No matter how old we are negative fragments from our childhood seem to travel along with us. Most of the time we pay them no mind, or don’t even realize they are hitching a ride with us. Then one day something happens in our lives and a chain reaction takes place and those little fragments come alive and blow up in our face. And it will happen again and again until we decide to eradicate the little monsters and set ourselves free.
“Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.”
“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”
~ Buddha
Make today the day that the past ends and the present begins. show compassion to yourself and suffer no more. Facing those who have hurt you rarely works because egos get in the way and conversation becomes a ping-pong ball match where there are no winners.
In the end, the only true way to do way with past fragments is to open a door in your mind and let them out. And leave they will, when the decision to live only “Now” is finally made. Once all the fragments are out, the next thing to do … learn to Forget.
“If you live in the past you get what the past gives you–bad experiences.” ~ Cesar Millan
Sometimes the pain of hurt is more than you can bear.
It lies within your very soul ripping it to shreds.
The only way to lessen its hold is to accept its presence and then, let it go.
Visualize:
Put this hurt on the back of a majestic mystical bird.
Majestic one, just take flight.
Fly far, far, away across the open sea.
And then drop that hurt into the deep violent waters of this massive sea.
Hurt will sink deeper and deeper, finding its way to the darkest parts of the ocean abyss.
And there it will remain forever more.
Give flight to all your hurts and then take a deep breath of relief.
Now, it is time to live your life once again.
“All you really need to remember is that NOW is where the past ends and the future begins.” ~ Robert Holden
Enjoy your sweet memories of days gone by–there is nothing wrong with thinking about and reliving the good past memories we all have. Trouble only begins when we live only in the past and forget about living and enjoying the present. Trouble also happens when we let the past invade the now of our lives and deposit little demons that keep us from being truly happy.
I used to tell my mother if she absolutely had to revisit something in her past to make a very short visit and get out quickly! It didn’t always work very well because she would get herself stuck there and the demons would rain down on her. She would try to chase them away with wine, tranquilizers, and the occasional highball, but none proved very effective. I even tried getting her to visualize lighting a match to the past, but she would just say, “I can’t.”
“Nothing ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being present now.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
Treasure and let yourself flow along with those sweet beautiful memories of your life experiences, but never allow the painful demons of your past to interfere with the life you are leading right now.
Always remember, besides being a good person and giving back, you are supposed to be enjoying your life. Submerge yourself in the beauty all around and in life itself, and never ever say,
“I can’t” because you know you always CAN!
Life as a Garden 