It’s very painful when we experience the death of a loved one, and the grieving process is different for everyone. One thing to remember is that there is no time limit in grieving. Those that might say, “It’s time to put this behind you,” or, “It’s been a year now and youshould be over it…” etc. SHAME ON THEM! There is NO time limit.
When a loved one dies we go through stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and everything in-between. Every stage is different for each of us, and at some point memories of this person will fill your mind. Remember, memories don’t have to be sad or even make you mad. They can be funny, happy memories that make you laugh and fill you with joy.
My co-worker and I told the children going through the bereavement program that it was okay to laugh, and have funny memories. They looked surprised. But as they talked about their loved ones and told little stories—some sweet and some funny, they seemed to relax and accept that memories can be funny and laughter is always good for the soul.
I love remembering the happy and mostly funny memories of those I have lost. I find it comforting. Sure there were plenty of bad and some very sad times, but I only care to remember the good ones. Sometimes I’m surprised about how many hilarious memories I have. Makes me wonder why I ever thought things were so bad.
Nothing lasts forever and that includes the pain you may be in right now. As long as you can remember, then the memories of your loved ones will never fade. They will bring you comfort on a cold night. They will fill your heart with joy and treasured thoughts, and they will make you laugh as well as cry because of the richness they give your life.
What a wonderful time of the year. It’s a time for kicking back, and a time to reconnect with nature. Depending on where you live, summer may be brief so you want to make the most of it. That doesn’t really mean planning big vacations, or having ongoing summer parties. It means letting go and unwinding.
Remember when you were a kid stretched out on the cool grass looking up at the stars in wonder, or swimming by the moonlight? Unstructured time to ourselves is what we all need.
Speaking of being a kid, don’t over structure your children’s summertime. It doesn’t need to be overfilled with organized sports and places to be. At the same time, kids don’t need to be on their electronic devices all the time. It can become an obsession for them and that is never good. Kids need time to play, dream, and just be lazy—maybe watching the clouds float by. Balance is the key.
Nature gives us the gift of summer’s long days and warm nights to go exploring who we are, and to dream of what can be. It’s a valuable time for making memories, and for the soul to grow.
Go outside and take a deep breath and let yourself be part of summer.
“All you really need to remember is that NOW is where the past ends and the future begins.” ~ Robert Holden
Enjoy your sweet memories of days gone by–there is nothing wrong with thinking about and reliving the good past memories we all have. Trouble only begins when we live only in the past and forget about living and enjoying the present. Trouble also happens when we let the past invade the now of our lives and deposit little demons that keep us from being truly happy.
I used to tell my mother if she absolutely had to revisit something in her past to make a very short visit and get out quickly! It didn’t always work very well because she would get herself stuck there and the demons would rain down on her. She would try to chase them away with wine, tranquilizers, and the occasional highball, but none proved very effective. I even tried getting her to visualize lightinga match to the past, but she would just say, “I can’t.”
“Nothing ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being present now.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
Treasure and let yourself flow along with those sweet beautiful memories of your life experiences, but never allow the painful demons of your past to interfere with the life you are leading right now.
Always remember, besides being a good person and giving back, you are supposed to be enjoying your life. Submerge yourself in the beauty all around and in life itself, and never ever say,
Running, running, just hurrying everywhere. Life’s demands keep you in despair. Do you know where you’re going? Do you know where you’ve been? You’re going in circles and there’s no end. Every day that you live this way pieces of your life simply slipping away. Was that your last child going out the door? How silly of you to think it would all just wait.
Stop your frantic pace! What’s the worst that could happen? Oh, I see, you think the world would actually come to an end. I have news for you my friend. The world will go on and on whether you’re in it or not. But ask yourself, what will your loved ones remember if you died today? Probably how hard you worked and never played. What kind of memories are you building right now that quite possibly could end up being your last day?
It’s time to stop and take stock of how you are living each and every day. Building careers is important and money is too, but ask yourself how much you are willing to trade your life for those two. Somewhere in all of this there just has to be a middle ground, but it’s completely up to you to do the looking around.
Go deep within yourself and connect to your Spirit finding the true you and what you’re supposed to do. It won’t be easy, but as you know, nothing on this journey that is truly worthwhile ever is so.
Take a deep breath, look at your life and see all the things that you are flying right by. You can do it, I know you can. A good life is waiting just for you to grab while you can.
“Every day is a gift for those who really believe that every day is a gift!” ~ Robert Holden
You might think reliving the past is a bad thing, but it’s not always true. Going back to the past and reliving the good stuff can be enjoyable. It’s about the memories you make on your life’s journey and it’s fun sometimes to think about and remember what you’ve experienced. It can bring a smile to your face and even laughter.
You get into trouble when you relive bad memories and end up stuck in the past of hell. Sometimes this happens because of traumatic events you have experienced without any kind of resolution. Or, it might be feelings of remorse for things you’ve done and are now holding yourself accountable. On your journey, you are going to make mistakes and you have to own up to that, but then you have to let it go and move on.
I don’t know if you can break the cycle of reliving the bad past, but I do know that you can stop the frequency. If you can accept the fact that the past only exists in your mind, and therefore you can do nothing to change it, you’re halfway there. As you mature through your life you are growing and therefore changing how you look at things. The way you handled a situation yesterday may not be the way you would handle it today. Put five to twenty years on that yesterday and you know you certainly would handle it differently. You do the best you can at each stage of your life.
You have to learn to just let the past go and choose to remember only the happy moments of your life. My mom lived deeply in the past of hell and loved to talk on and on about all the sad and bad that had happened. I used to tell her, “Mom, just light a match to the past and burn it away,” but she just couldn’t seem to let go and she died holding on tightly to her past. Every day is just too precious to live life that way.
The past is the past and nothing you do now can change it. When you allow yourself to think about the dark times you bring life to something that is dead. Tony Robbins said “Pain is a part of life, but suffering isn’t.” Every time you allow yourself to be stuck in the painful past you are choosing to suffer.
If you can accept all of this, you have finally arrived. You are now free to live a happy life with only good memories to warm your heart.