It’s very painful when we experience the death of a loved one, and the grieving process is different for everyone. One thing to remember is that there is no time limit in grieving. Those that might say, “It’s time to put this behind you,” or, “It’s been a year now and youshould be over it…” etc. SHAME ON THEM! There is NO time limit.
When a loved one dies we go through stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and everything in-between. Every stage is different for each of us, and at some point memories of this person will fill your mind. Remember, memories don’t have to be sad or even make you mad. They can be funny, happy memories that make you laugh and fill you with joy.
My co-worker and I told the children going through the bereavement program that it was okay to laugh, and have funny memories. They looked surprised. But as they talked about their loved ones and told little stories—some sweet and some funny, they seemed to relax and accept that memories can be funny and laughter is always good for the soul.
I love remembering the happy and mostly funny memories of those I have lost. I find it comforting. Sure there were plenty of bad and some very sad times, but I only care to remember the good ones. Sometimes I’m surprised about how many hilarious memories I have. Makes me wonder why I ever thought things were so bad.
Nothing lasts forever and that includes the pain you may be in right now. As long as you can remember, then the memories of your loved ones will never fade. They will bring you comfort on a cold night. They will fill your heart with joy and treasured thoughts, and they will make you laugh as well as cry because of the richness they give your life.
“The only constant thing in life is change.” ~ Francois De La Rochefoucauld
Change can be hard especially if it’s not a welcome change. But change is part of life and therefore part of your journey. Nothing stays the same forever no matter how hard you try to hold on to it. When you learn to accept that, then life becomes more secure and peaceful. Fighting change never works, it just makes it more painful.
Change for children can be extremely hard, but we as nurturers can lessen the burden by loving them and opening up the door of communication so they can express their fears, sadness and anger. In doing this, you as a parent can become closer to your child as the child realizes that change is hard for you too, and that together, you will both get through it.
I know from working with children in bereavement that they have a great desire to express themselves and want to be heard, but sometimes they find that hard to do because the pain of loss is too great. In helping them deal with the loss, it is also important to help them handle the changes in their life. Children need to know that their life will go on even though it has changed and that the sadness and loss they feel today will ease with time.
Through the changes in life, learn to flow through all of it. Sometimes it’s hard when the sea is very rough and you are not sure what direction to take. In those times, just close your eyes and draw from the strength of your Spirit and it will guide you safely into the harbor.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them — that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. ~ Lao Tzu