Grudges

“Don’t carry a grudge. While you’re carrying the grudge the other guy’s out dancing.” ~ Buddy Hackett

We’ve all experienced having a grudge or two. Sometimes it really eats away at you. And, when you think about it, what a waste of your precious time. As we have all learned during this pandemic, time is so very precious.

Experiencing resentment can happen so easily at work, with friends, neighbors, and especially with family. I would say it’s better to have a sit down with the person or persons who you’re having a problem with and talk it out, but I know better because I have experienced how that can go so horribly wrong. Egos at war can really make a mess.

Depending on the people you’re dealing with, you might be able to talk problems through, but for those times that it would make things worse, I suggest writing a letter for your eyes only and let it all out how you feel. Read it a few times, and really analyze how you feel and maybe where you might have played a role too. Then throw the letter away and move on with your life.

Holding grudges will make you sick and it never changes anything.

Take a deep breath. Feel vindicated and let it all go.

“In the end these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go?” ~ Jack Kornfield

Hurt

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“The ego says, ‘I shouldn’t have to suffer,’ and that thought makes you suffer so much more. The truth is that you need to say yes to suffering before you can transcend it.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

We humans are fragile but at the same time strong beings. We get into trouble when our egos get hurt. We all want to be loved and accepted and when we’re not we feel not only hurt but sometimes anger.

Hurt can cause us to become selfish as we start to close down to everyone around us. We can become consumed with our own feelings of rejection that we become unable to love or accept love.

Never let yourself be so blinded by your own pain that you can’t see and feel the pain you have caused others.

“Love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you.”  ~ Vipin Sharma

The quote by Sharma makes sense when someone you love does something to hurt you. Perhaps they really didn’t mean it, but it still hurts.

Feelings of hurt are just part of our journey and the best thing to do is let yourself feel it then let it go. Don’t ever let hurt stick to you. Use it as another lesson on your journey.

“Feel the feeling and drop the story.” ~ Pema Chodron

When Egos Meet

“Half of life is lost in charming others. The other half is lost in going through anxieties caused by others. Leave this play. You have played enough!” ~Rumi

It’s never a party when egos meet. In fact, it can be a pretty bad sight indeed. You see, the ego is always ready for a fight, letting us think it’s simply protecting us when in fact, it’s actually bullying us. Sounds weird I know. But not so when you realize that the ego is that critical thinking part of us that’s always watching, conniving, deciding who did what to us, what we should do to them, who we are, who they are, etc.

We all have different egos. Some make us think we’re better than others, and some make us think we are less. And usually we have a combination to fit different needs as they arise. The main thing is that we are not our egos. We are the higher self inside of us: Our Spirit. But why is the Spirit so quiet and seems to do nothing to stop our crazy egos’ chatter, and ruining our relationships? Because the Spirit believes in our free will where as the ego believes in harassing us into submission.

Now, when egos meet, each has an agenda that is self serving and certainly not thinking of the greater good. You can see why problems don’t get solved and we have so much trouble living in harmony with one another.

So what do we do? I really don’t think we can get rid of our egos even though some have said that they have. The best I have found is to tame it. Our quiet Spirit will come alive if asked. Once you work with your Spirit and listen closely to what it has to say, you will be free to live the life you were born to live. But remember, you have free will; you have to ask for the help you need.

Listening to the ego and engaging with other egos will cause you to waste your life, and take you very far away from the path you should be following. This is your one and only life; don’t waste it on your ego, or fall victim to other egos.

“Once you can tame your ego mind, you are able to see clearly the path you were born to follow.” ~Roxana Jones

Apologize

“Apologizing does not always mean that you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.” ~ Author unknown

Saying “I’m sorry,” is so hard to do when we don’t feel we did anything wrong. When we say those words we feel like we’re admitting and taking ownership to hurting someone, or doing something wrong. If that wasn’t our intent, or we don’t believe it’s true then why should we apologize?

I think telling someone you’re sorry even though you had no idea you hurt them is something you do as a kindness and just being a good human. You do it for them; not for you. After all, I don’t think very many of us have a problem when shopping at the grocery store saying I’m sorry when we bump into someone’s basket by mistake, or cut them off. It doesn’t seem to bother us to say it because it’s a courtesy that just flows out of our mouths. So why isn’t it a courtesy when someone lets us know that we upset them?

Every day we deal with other humans and we say things that people take the wrong way and we even hurt feelings. We make decisions at the time that seem right but sometimes end up wrong. Our mouths say things before our brains have a chance to digest words and actions. It’s all part of the human condition, but so is being considerate of our fellow humans.

When you apologize to someone in the case of not intentionally trying to cause them emotional pain, you are not admitting guilt. You are being a human connecting to another human and sending love. When you do apologize make sure it comes from the heart. Really feel that empathy for another being.

Maybe if more of us could be selfless and learn to connect the world would be a happier place.

“Apologies are the art of spiritual housekeeping. They help to put and keep our lives in order.” ~ Julia Cameron

Evolving

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Why do we act negatively, sometimes even to the point of sabotaging ourselves? I think it has something to do with primitive survival. I think when we are having a difference of opinion with someone, or even an argument, our brains go back to primitive times when opposition meant it was time for survival mode to kick in. I also think that’s why we have the ego. It’s there to protect us, letting us know we are being treated badly and need to do something about it. We really don’t need the ego anymore because it gets us into a lot of trouble with all its bad chatter that fill our brains.

We need to evolve a little more and start thinking with our hearts and not the mind so much. We don’t have to take a disagreement and make it all out war. Sadly, I’ve seen and also have experienced some of this behavior in action. It happens in jobs, with friends, neighbors and the absolute worst: Families. It has caused marriages to end, siblings to stop speaking to one another, and grown children to turn against their parents. And I realize that this primitive thinking can get very extreme resulting in physical, mental, abuse and even murder.

This primitive survival mode causes so much miscommunication that nobody even knows what they are mad about anymore. They just know they’re mad and it’s the other person’s fault. The book is closed, everybody’s life goes on–still mad of course, and then one of the parties dies and sometimes a different perspective arrives, but it’s too late.

Practicing thinking with our heart, our Spirit, will make us all calm down and really listen to each other with open minds instead of thinking how mad this makes us feel. We might not always agree, but we can agree to disagree in harmony, and accept the right of others to have a different opinion. Respect, kindness, and love come from thinking with the heart, and that’s evolving.

“If only we can overcome cruelty, to human and animal, with love and compassion we shall stand at the threshold of a new era in human moral and spiritual evolution – and realize, at last, our most unique quality: humanity.”

~ Jane Goodal

Make Peace with This Moment

 

“Make peace with the present moment.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

It’s a busy time of the year and we can find ourselves running wild everywhere. No time to sit and think and even meditate. Tempers can get out of hand, expectations are high on demand, and depression can always find a way in.

Let’s sit down and take a deep breath, concentrating on our breathing. That’s right, make peace with whatever is happening in this very moment. We may not like it, and want to fight it, but let’s not. It’s just our ego wanting conflict–especially at times when there should be joy and peace. By just stopping whatever we’re doing, we give our Spirit the chance to come forward and take over, setting our world right once again.

Sometimes the moments of our lives are wonderful, and then there are those times that are just awful. We want to escape during bad times, but we really can’t, and we make ourselves miserable. The more we struggle the worst we feel.

We can’t change what’s happening in the present moment, but we can always change our attitude toward it. By taking a moment to slow down, or better yet, meditate, we put ourselves in charge and bring balance once again to our lives.

Don’t let the season get out of hand. Slow down, and enjoy the simplicity of just being.

Look Within

“Every person carries the seed of enlightenment within.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

It’s there inside of you just waiting and wanting to come out. Sometimes you have to dig deep because ego has been guarding the entrance to the Spirit. Once you find it, bring the seed into the light and allow it to grow strong. Ego will become smaller and smaller with each growing day, and soon peace and happiness will fill and light the way.

Live by Your Spirit

 

“There is nothing that strengthens the ego more than being right.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

When you live by your ego you are always in a battle to be right, and how tiring and miserable that must be. Try living by your Spirit and see how happy you can be.

Life doesn’t have to be a struggle of who is right and who is wrong. Let go of having to be the winner and enjoy the simple pleasure of just being.

Fragments

No matter how old we are negative fragments from our childhood seem to travel along with us. Most of the time we pay them no mind, or don’t even realize they are hitching a ride with us. Then one day something happens in our lives and a chain reaction takes place and those little fragments come alive and blow up in our face. And it will happen again and again until we decide to eradicate the little monsters and set ourselves free.

“Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.” 

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”

~ Buddha

Make today the day that the past ends and the present begins. show compassion to yourself and suffer no more. Facing those who have hurt you rarely works because egos get in the way and conversation becomes a ping-pong ball match where there are no winners.

In the end, the only true way to do way with past fragments is to open a door in your mind and let them out. And leave they will, when the decision to live only “Now” is finally made. Once all the fragments are out, the next thing to do …  learn to Forget.

“If you live in the past you get what the past gives you–bad experiences.”  ~ Cesar Millan