“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” ~ Author Unknown
When you’ve been putting up with a difficult person or persons in your life for a long time there will come a day when you will feel that enough is enough, and that will be the day you will have reached your point of saturation. We all have our limits on how much and for how long we can put up with grueling relationships, but once you reach your end there is no turning back.
Sometimes when you reach this point, it’s burnout from the people you work with, a demanding relative, or your mate. It doesn’t matter who has caused it, but what matters is what you are going to do about it, because staying in any kind of bad relationship is detrimental to your health.
Don’t feel bad if you’ve reached saturation. It’s simply a sign that change is overdue in your life. There are steps you can take to mend and hopefully save the relationship. Communication is always best, but sometimes people are hard to communicate with. This can be especially true if they are a relative, or a lover. You would think it would be easier, but the closer the person is to you, sometimes the harder it is to talk to them.
You could give counseling or mediation a try, but if that doesn’t help, or you don’t even want to try, then it’s time to walk away. Your life is not supposed to be about making yourself miserable so others can be happy. You deserve to live a happy and balanced life, and that doesn’t include letting other people step all over you—no matter who they are in your life.
Be brave enough to love and protect yourself from those that only want to control and hurt you.
That old adage, “It’s not what you say, but how you say it,” is so very true. It’s that tone we use that can make all the difference in the world. I don’t think most of us give much thought about how we sound or come off to others. And it’s not just the verbal tone we use, but also the tone we use in print, especially in our e-mails and texts.
Tone represents the mood we are currently in, but not necessarily how we actually feel toward the people or subject we are dealing with at the time. So if we are in a bad mood then how we deal with the people around us verbally or in print will have a hard and sometimes nasty edge to it. This can cause a lot of problems at work and in our private lives. And this can especially be devastating when dealing with children or very sensitive people.
Sometimes it’s hard to know when our tone is off because we are busy people, and always in a hurry. We speak or text very fast before we have really processed all information. Yours truly has made that mistake many times. Usually this happens to me when I get caught up in a situation that I feel is critical and the other person has a different view.
So what do we do about keeping our tone smooth and cordial? “SMILE.” That’s right. Before you open your mouth, or write that offensive line, smile first. It’s pretty hard to say or write anything in a mean tone while smiling.
It doesn’t hurt to remind ourselves to be kind and gentle toward others. We all have stressful days, but a bad or really cruel tone can throw another human off into misery, and I don’t think any of us ever mean to do that.
Life can be hard, so put that smile on your face and let’s watch out for one another.
In relationships that carry past baggage that’s never been cleaned out, there is always little emotional triggers that get us going in the wrong direction. A lot of times these are relationships with siblings or parents, but it can be any relationship that you’ve had for a long time, such as with a spouse. Emotional triggers ignored never go away and cause not only you and the opposing person pain but also everyone you care deeply about.
Your triggers are your responsibility and not the person you are in opposition with. You, and only you, can and very much need to get to the bottom of why you have an emotional trigger with this person. Analyze why your triggers are set off and be honest with yourself. Have a talk with the one that gets you going and explain how you feel when they say certain things to you. It’s always good to clear the air on how you feel because the other person might be completely in the dark.
Communication is the best line of defense in securing good relationships. Lack of communication causes so much fear and anger because without the other person’s input you begin to fill in the blanks of what you think the other person feels about you. This is when the ego takes hold and spits out all the nasty negative thoughts. You don’t have to communicate face to face. With all the technology we have today, there are many ways of doing it.
Whatever your triggers are, and how you decide to handle or not handle them, remember this: Don’t let anything stay inside of you that is negative. Everything you feel creates the life you live.
“Whenever you heal any relationship, your whole life improves–and that counts for double with family.” ~ Robert Holden